The Abstract Noun
by autis
Summary: In a journey as dangerous as theirs, it's too risky to harbor feelings for one another. But perhaps it isn't their choice whether to take the risk...just living with the consequences. Gojyo x Sanzo COMPLETE
1. Hate

**Title:** The Abstract Noun  
**Rating:** T for language and tobacco/alcohol use  
**Pairing: **GojyoxSanzo. 

**A/N and Warning:** This is my very first fanfic. It's going to suck. Sanzo is probably going to seem OOC but that's only because I interpret him differently on rainy days. My friend gave me the particular challenge of pairing Sanzo up with someone, and I chose Gojyo because there aren't enough GojyoxSanzo fics here and I wanted a challenge. No spoilers so far. Might be some in later updates.

* * *

The walls were thin. It was raining. I leaned my head back against the unyielding barrier, feeling a cool pressure against my scalp as it bore past the layers of hair. I could hear him in the room adjacent, a silken rustling of robes as he searched for a lighter. I knew from the following curse that his search did not reach the intended fruition. He was like this every rainy day, and I could recall his persistent behavior from when I had been stupid enough to remain in his company during such weather. He would pluck the cigarette from his lips and tilt his head back to gaze at the ceiling with eyes that bore their way through the roof to grace the sky. He would remain like that for a moment, then clench his teeth and angrily push his thumb against the cigarette, tearing the paper cover and scattering its tobacco contents along the hardwood floor.

Last time, he shattered a window.

It was quiet save the pattering of rain against the windows as it pleaded entrance. The inn was safe for that night. I sat back up on the bed, abandoning the whisper of Sanzo's movements in favor of Goku's snores coming from the other bed as he slept tangled in sheets and blankets with his pillow far from its starting point beneath his head. Sleep was out of the question. The noise was absolutely deafening, grating against my eardrums as steadily as a cartoon chainsaw. Not to mention I was bored of waiting for sleep. I was listening to goddamn SANZO, for chrissakes. My attempts at slumber were making me ace Stalking 101. I fished out a Hi-Lite, threw my pillow at Goku who snored on, oblivious, and headed out the door. I needed a drink. Or a girl. Either one was good.

* * *

As I descended the stairs, I was surprised by the sight of Sanzo sitting by the counter with a drink in his hands. Normally, it was Hakkai who tried to drown his sorrows in such until oblivion (which he never did, considering his freakishly high alcohol tolerance) on rainy days. However, I was certainly not deterred by the might Sanzo's presence. The boredom was still very prominent in my conscience, as well as the cravings my carnality continued to chant in the foremost part of my mind. I proceeded down to the bar. But God knows what compelled me to take the seat next to the priest! He was reeking of angst and the eventual promise of murder, no less. Pure stupidity, perhaps? Or maybe I had an underlying need to push Sanzo's buttons. It's been a while since I had seen him with his harisen. The pissy, trigger-happy, holier-than-thou priest, Genjo effing Sanzo. That's the one I knew and (though it's difficult to admit to myself) wanted. I guess his behavior had become a familiar regularity, something I valued as the source of my comfort. Funny how that works. Familiarity. This brooding, silent, I'm-so-dripping-angst drama queen Sanzo was an imposter in my twisted logic, and I desired the return of the original.

The look I received from Sanzo as I took the seat beside him was one of pure disgust. Undeterred, I asked the bartender for the entire bottle of whatever Sanzo was having. He usually had good taste when it came to drinks.

"What the hell do you want, Gojyo?"

To be honest, I was surprised he even acknowledged me. His tone was chilling, but his voice lacked its usual acidity. By no means did this mean he hated me any less. Rather, when Sanzo's voice dropped to such a cold pitch, it served the same purpose as a concealed weapon – much more dangerous than one revealed. I filled his empty glass.

"What? Now I'm now allowed to drink? Quite the hypocrite, cherry-chan(1)."

I poured some for myself and awaited the familiar click of Sanzo's gun as he pulled back the hammer.

It didn't come.

I glanced over at him to see him swilling the contents of his glass and watching the ice clink against the sides. Then he tilted his head back and drank deeply from it. Setting the glass back down, he reached for the bottle in my hand and refilled the cup. I finished off my own in silence. Sanzo automatically reached inside his robe but drew his hand back out when he remembered the absence of a lighter. His knuckles turned white as he grasped his glass. I pulled my own lighter out.

"Looking for this?"

He saw the enticing glint of the silver cover and extended his hand. I felt like being a bastard, so I immediately pulled it out of his reach.

"Come and get it."

Sanzo froze, his hand still outstretched. I knew he was a man far too proud to beg, but I persisted with a cocky grin and a teasing shake of the lighter. He stood, and I followed suit, determined not to give him the upper hand.

I guess I was expecting him to pull out his paper fan or something similar to that to show that I had pushed the right button and had brought him back to normality. Therefore, it's understandable that I was more than slightly surprised and sorely disappointed when pain exploded in my cheek, and my eyes watched his robe sleeve pull up as he followed through with his punch. All the patrons stopped their mindless chatter to stare along with the bartender who rushed on over.

"Gentlemen, please. We do not appreciate that kind of behavior here."

He would have continued had not Sanzo trained his glare upon him. With a nervous smile, he fingered the cloth in his hands and resumed the task of cleaning all the glasses. Then Sanzo turned those purple eyes on me, and for a moment, I was lost in amethyst chaos. And I didn't want to leave. I had no choice though as Sanzo lowered his head, hiding his eyes under a fall of blonde bangs before walking past me and back up the stairs to act as the recluse once again.

"Sir?"

The bartender cautiously called me back to my senses, and I realized that I had not moved since Sanzo struck me. With a forced smile and a small nod, I reassured him of my well-being and headed towards the door. I couldn't lose face now, could I? To hell with the drink. I was going to find myself that girl.

* * *

(1)Gojyo calls Sanzo this in the 7th volume, and I'm not quite sure what it means but it seemed to fit there so I put it in. : ) 


	2. Irritation

**Title:** The Abstract Noun (Chapter 2)  
**Rating:** T for language and tobacco/alcohol use  
**Pairing:** GojyoxSanzo

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to update. I moved and didn't have internet for a while. And I've also noticed how disgustingly short my chapters are. I apologize for that too. Thank you for the reviews!

* * *

Dawn found Gojyo reasonably sated and sprawled across his bed. The boots still on his feet testified that he had collapsed as soon as he returned, and the rumpled and misarranged state of his clothes betrayed his nighttime "activity".  
"Oh, you're awake! Good morning!"  
Hakkai stepped out of the bathroom with a towel draped over one arm and a toothbrush in hand. He turned his back and began to rummage through the various complimentary bathing supplies offered by the inn.  
"I wasn't expecting you up this early," he continued. "By the way, I put something on that bruise on your face."  
Hakkai, maintaining his polite demeanor, did not go on to interrogate Gojyo about its origins. Gojyo brought up his hand and fingered the bandage on his cheek. He looked out the window and saw that it was still raining. There must be quite the lake outside the door by now. The rain brought back the flood of memories from the previous evening and along with it, the painful recollection of Sanzo's behavior. He plopped back onto the bed.

"That shit priest."  
"Excuse me?"

Hakkai turned around, now with a newly acquired tube of toothpaste.  
"Nothing, nothing."  
Gojyo waved off the matter.  
Just then, the door flew open, without even as much as a polite knock, to reveal Sanzo, fully clothed in his priestly robes with a sleep-robbed Goku trailing behind him. Goku yawned, revealing the white surface of his molars, and rubbed his eyes. He was still dressed in his pajamas.  
"We're leaving."  
With that statement, Sanzo turned in a flurry of blonde hair and white clothes. Hakkai blinked.

"Now? But Sanzo, it's still raining."  
"Now."

The venom in Sanzo's growl was enough to make any man blanche. Hakkai smiled apologetically and proceeded to get ready. Gojyo groaned but clambered out of bed.  
"Yes master. We shall do whatever the great Sanzo-sama wishes.  
He began to stretch when he saw Sanzo's eyeswere trained upon him. It was the same glare as last night, and once again, he was struck dumb. That seemed to happen quite a bit lately.  
It was Gojyo who looked away this time. He turned to gather his Shakujou, and when he turned back, Sanzo was already gone. He shrugged, more to convince himself that he didn't care than to convince anybody else. Hakkai followed him out the door.

* * *

It was still raining. Water trailed down each of the travelers' faces, following the sharp contours formed by noses and cheekbones. The tension was thick and oppressive, a blanket smothering the four. Even Goku knew to keep silent at the perception of the waves of animosity radiating from Sanzo's self. Hakkai wiped the rain from his eyes, squinting into the torrent over the steering wheel. Jeep sneezed, and Hakkai placed his hand apologetically on the dashboard.  
"I'm sorry, Hakuryu. Just a little further."  
Goku took this break in silence as a break in tension as well and immediately complained, "I'm hungry!" His voice grated against Gojyo's nerves, more so than usual. He was grinning inwardly, hoping Goku would have more luck in drawing out the wrath of the harisen than he had. A satisfying 'thwack' would certainly lighten the mood. However, Sanzo didn't even make a sign to show that he heard Goku but rather continued to sit stiffly, staring out the windshield. Gojyo sighed and put his arms behind his head. He never thought that he would miss that paper fan.

* * *

By evening, they had broken through the boundaries of the trees and woodland and had entered the next town. It was slightly larger than the last, and with the lightening rain, vendors had come out of hiding to hawk their wares to any passerby. Sanzo had donned his black traveling cloak to conceal his conspicuous garments and walked through the pathway of salespersons with the expertise of one used to avoiding unwanted attention. Goku wasn't quite so experienced.

"Ooh! Look! Look! Two meat buns for the price of one! Can we get some? Pleasepleaseplease? Sanzo!"  
"No! Now shut up and walk."

Sanzo, by his tone, was clearly irritated, but he was always like that, and the fact that he even acknowledged Goku was a sure sign of his improving mood. The same couldn't be said for Gojyo.  
"Sanzo!" Goku tried again, "You never buy me any! Miser monk! Meanie! Baldie!"  
And so it went as Hakkai chucked at Goku's childish antics. Gojyo, however, was finding Goku increasingly more annoying with each word.

"He said no you stupid monkey! Now shut the hell up!"

Goku stopped, mid-insult.

"You're one to talk! And what the hell's wrong with you anyways! You're worse than Sanzo today, friggin' pervy kappa!"  
"Well you're twice as noisy! Shut your ass up!"  
"You shut up! I only asked for a stupid meat b—"

Something solid connected with both their heads in quick succession, and they both stopped to find the culprit. Sanzo stared back at them, paper fan in hand and a scowl plastered on his face.  
"Quiet or death. You're attracting attention."

Gojyo would never admit it to himself or anybody else that his heart rejoiced all the way to the inn. He had Sanzo back.


	3. Denial

**Title:** The Abstract Noun (Chapter 3)  
**Rating:** T for language and alcohol/tobacco use  
**Pairing: **GojyoxSanzo

**A/N:** Thank you for all the kind reviews! This is the longest chapter yet, which is pretty pathetic, but hopefully it'll get better from here!

* * *

. Darkness descended once more, hiding the town with the veil of night. It drove inside the common folk and drew out the outcasts of society, their faces confident under the cover of black, to go about doing whatever illicit activity they chose to participate in behind the townspeople's backs. The four travelers were gathered in what would soon be Sanzo and Hakkai's room for the night. Goku and Gojyo were squabbling over the last few remnants of pizza left after their meal. Gojyo was at an advantage, towering over Goku as he held the pizza box high over his head. Hakkai smiled as he watched them, glad that the oppressive atmosphere had lifted. Despite his silence, Hakkai had noticed Gojyo's dark mood the other day and felt relief in its disappearance. If they could all keep forcing themselves to smile, the journey just might be bearable. Hakkai decided to take the moment, while the two most immature members of the group were preoccupied, to express his concerns to Sanzo. The priest was sitting in a chair close by with a cup of tea in hand, reading glasses perched on his nose as he flipped through the paper. The throbbing vein on his forehead clearly betrayed his irritation at the lack of quiet and the losing battle against suppressing said irritation. 

"Sanzo."  
"Hm?"

He looked up from the newspaper to face Hakkai. Hakkai drew up a chair beside him.

"Don't you think it strange that we haven't encountered any youkai in the past week?"  
"I'm not complaining."  
"Well yes, but usually we can barely get from inn to inn without running into any on the road, much less spend days peacefully in any given town."  
"They were probably caught up by the rain. I think hoping that they've learned not to fight us is too much to ask."  
"I suppose so," Hakkai sighed.

. Sanzo dismissed the subject by turning back to the paper. He hadn't noticed the unease lingering in Hakkai's eyes. The shattering of a lamp drew both their attention to Goku and Gojyo, though Sanzo's attention was far more malicious than Hakkai's.  
"Haven't you two heard of quiet!" Sanzo roared as he fired two bullets into the wood of the bedstand, dangerously close to Goku's shoulder and Gojyo's leg. The two flinched and fled to the sanctuary of their room. Goku, of course, didn't forget to bring the pizza with him.

* * *

. Gojyo and Sanzo sat across from each other in the dining room of the inn. The air surrounding them was starting to turn visible, wafting around their heads in hazy white clouds. Gojyo took another drag from his cigarette and breathed a wreath of smoke back out. Silence permeated the area, forming a bubble that even the idle chatter of the other patrons could not fill. The two purposely avoided each other's eyes. The bruise on Gojyo's face was purpling under the gauze. Of course, Sanzo failed to notice, and the notion of an apology was laughable. It didn't feel quite normal, however. Sanzo was doing his best not to look at Gojyo. This, in itself, was the strange thing. Even though the priest harbored hateful sentiments against Gojyo, they had always manifested into Sanzo's ignoring of Gojyo, the pretense that he put that that the redhead didn't exist. But to purposely avoid someone, one must acknowledge the other's presence and steer clear of it. That was what Sanzo was doing. In his own backhanded way, he was giving Gojyo his undivided attention. 

Gojyo observed Sanzo out of the corner of his eye.

. Sanzo was gazing out the window, cigarette dangling from his lips and his fingers tracing idly around the rim of his cup of tea. Gojyo's gut wrenched in what he told himself was aggravation. It was maddening how stiff and calm and _anal_ Sanzo could be. How he could gain control of a conversation with one cold word, how he wielded power over a battle with bullets faster than any blade, how he conquered Gojyo's mind with one stare. And then he realized why he always pushed Sanzo's buttons. What he wanted. It was emotion - raw, unchecked human emotion drowing out the irritation, the anger, the _passivity_, the three expressions he had ever seen on Sanzo's face. He wanted something else, something that would set his blood boiling. A smile. Or maybe panic. Yeah, panic would wrench that collected exterior away. Let's see how well Sanzo picks up the pieces after that. The tips of Gojyo's fingers itched as he tapped the table rhythmically. He wondered if it was more than irritation he felt for Sanzo. Maybe he really did hate him deep down. What he failed to remind himself of was the fact that hate wasn't too far off from –

"Hey!"

. Goku's voice broke through Gojyo's thoughts, smashing the bubble of silence in a way only Goku could. Hakkai walked to the table in a more demure fashion, his smile unfailingly perpetual upon his features. He placed the bags of newly purchased supplies down onto the ground before taking a seat. Sanzo and Gojyo turned their gazes from the opposite polars of the room, unspoken gratitude for the other two's presence lying just underneath their tones. Goku immediately seized the menu lying in front of Sanzo and flipped through the pages, listing off enough food to feed a regiment. From all appearances, Hakkai seemed to be listening to Goku ramble on and on about breakfast items but in truth, he was observing Sanzo and Gojyo, feeling the tension radiating between them and wondering what had passed in the short time he and Goku were gone.

"Goku," Hakkai suggested, "why don't you go find a waitress? I think it will be rude to call one from here."

Goku blinked, but with the slow dawning of realization that the faster the order, the faster the food, he raced off leaving the three men at the table.

"Now," Hakkai started, free of Goku's innocent quips, "what did we miss?"

Sanzo snorted. Gojyo crushed his cigarette into the ashtray. Hakkai continued,

"You know, we need cooperation and compatibility to complete this quest, and I think that secrets will hinder that, at best."

Gojyo pulled another cigarette from the pack in his vest and said, "Jesus Christ, Hakkai. You're acting like we're all married to each other or something."

He pulled out a lighter and flicked it open, drawing his thumb across the dial sharply, trying and failing to generate a flame from it.

"Well, I am applying the same philosophy as marriage. If people are going to have to spend a large amount of time with each other, I believe it will be greatly beneficial if we did have the weight of talking behind each other's backs upon our shoulders."  
"Nothing happened," Sanzo cut in, "except kappa over there decided I was a one man freak show. It's not like we don't see each other enough."

Gojyo stopped flicking his lighter, cigarette still unlit and hanging lax from his lips. Shit. Sanzo had noticed. He scrambled to regain his composure and shot back defensively,

"I was just making an effort to be social, you pretentious bastard! Am I too unworthy to be graced by your voice? Damn schizoid."  
"If you want to be social, talk don't stare, pervert."

It was a seething and bristling duo that Goku returned to, but the oppression had vanished only leaving a shadow of itself in their anger. Hakkai sipped his tea nonchalantly. This was definitely a better situation than it was before. Almost normal.

"What's going on?" Goku asked.  
"Ah nothing, nothing."

Gojyo diverted his attention to Hakkai long enough to yell, "Hypocrite!" before fuming at Sanzo once again.

Hakkai just smiled.

* * *

. The four were gathered in Hakkai and Sanzo's room once again, this time listlessly tossing mahjong pieces around in a struggle against boredom. After breakfast, they had come back upstairs to ready their departure when they found Hakuryu curled under Hakkai's blanket suffering the effects of being driven in the rain. With the little dragon sick, the group's means of transportation had been robbed from them and they were stranded for the time being. It did nothing for Sanzo's mood which remained sullen since breakfast, now having "unseen setback" on the list of things to be royally pissed off about. He would've even welcomed a visit from Kougaiji's cronies. They'd have something to do and he'd have something to kill. 

"Ron," Sanzo said, none too enthusiastically, as he flipped the mahjong tiles to reveal his hand.  
"Aww this is boring! And I'm hungry!" Goku complained.

He threw his pieces across the table.

"Quiet monkey," Sanzo replied, resting his head on his hand.  
"What? Why th'hell would you want quiet now! I know you're friggin' bored too, Sanzo."  
"Because you're the irritating kind of noise. Now shut it."  
"Hmph."

Goku crossed his arms, then fell backwards to recline on the floor. Gojyo looked at hismahjong pieces disdainfully and decided poking fun at Goku was going to be far more entertaining.

"Looks like monkey here is going through a rebellious phase."  
"What! Don't call me that, ya cockroach!"  
"I already told you these aren't antennae, idiot!"  
"Well if you look like a cockroach, smell like a cockroach, and taste like a cockroach, what are you? A cockroach, that's what!"  
"How the hell would you know what I or a cockroach tastes like! But then again, you eat pretty much anything, stomach-for-brains! Eat this!"

Gojyo threw the nearest pillow he could find at Goku, hitting him square in the face.

"I bet _that_ tastes good!"

Goku retaliated by pouncing on Gojyo. Mahjong pieces scattered everywhere as the two brawled. Hakkai waved his hands, sweatdropping.

"Now, now, we wouldn't want to have to pay for damages."

The click of Sanzo's Smith & Wesson being cocked was lost amidst the noise. He fired two shots, one at Goku and one at Gojyo, to grab their attention.

"When I ask for quiet, I mean it," he growled.

. Goku and Gojyo returned to their seats. An awkward silence fell upon them. Sanzo noticed that just like he himself had been doing this morning, Gojyo was avoiding his eyes. Even when he had shot at him, Gojyo hadn't looked straight at him, incredulous or no. Sanzo assumed he was trying to cover his embarrassment at being caught staring during breakfast. And then he realized something else. At the beginning of the journey, every time he wanted to be heard, he had shot directly at Gojyo, trusting he would dodge in time. If he couldn't, well he was useless anyway. Recently, however, Sanzo had take to shooting away from Gojyo, intentionally missing him entirely. It was a subconscious flick of the wrist that threw off the bullet's trajectory, making sure that whether or not Gojyo dodged, the bullet wouldn't hit him. He couldn't say the same for Goku, or anyone else for the matter. Gojyo didn't notice, of course, making sure to dodge the bullets just the same, but it was only a matter of time before he found out. Then Sanzo's intimidation tactic would be rendered completely obsolete. Or perhaps it would be interpreted as something else. Sanzo clenched his teeth, frustrated that he didn't even have the willpower to kill an idiotic pervert whenever he wanted. Gojyo had just proved his worth on the journey, Sanzo told himself. Afterwards, he could put as many bullets through that spot under two antennae as he wanted. He ruled out the possibility that perhaps he didn't want Gojyo cold and six feet under. Genjo Sanzo did **_not_** feel fondness for anybody. A stupid, arrogant, son of a bitch would **_not_** be the exception.

"Sanzo."

He was brough abruptly from his musings by Hakkai calling his name. The three were already at the doorway, ready to go out.

"Are you coming?"  
"Coming where?"  
"To town. We were going to explore."

Sanzo imperceptibly reddened at being caught while in the middle of his thoughts but nodded his ascent. He followed them out the door.

* * *

. The town yielded much more than their sodden, muddy arrival had shown once it was all thrust into the sunlight. The vendors' numbers had doubled, crowding the streets on both sides while the townspeople waded through the tumult. Children scampered in between, playing games and stealing what they could from the stalls. Despite being surrounded by smiling faces, Sanzo was beginning to share Hakkai's suspicions. The town was too populated, and judging from the lack of attacks recently, they had to expect one at all times. He felt claustrophobic, being pressed in on all sides and breathing the same air that someone else had just breathed. There was no place to run and definitely no place to fight or defend themselves in the case of an attack without drawing in the innocent. As it was, he pulled his cloak tighter around his shoulders and continued to saunter against the stream of shoppers to keep up with Goku's eager steps.

* * *

. By noon, they reached the end of the town which housed a small collection of shacks and one shabby restaurant with its back facing the forest that lay beyond. Seeing that it was lunchtime and that Goku had been whining about his stomach since they left the inn, the four decided to eat at the restaurant before heading back. Opening the door revealed quite the hubbub, unexpected in a business so far from the heart of commerce. Perhaps the food quality was enough to rival the long distance. Goku skipped ahead happily, choosing one of the few remaining tables in the center of the room. A waitress immediately appeared, greeting them with a warm smile and passing out menus. Goku's mouth couldn't keep up with the speed in his stomach processed his order. 

"I want dumplings and stir fry and spring rolls, and ooh! Motsuyaki! and –"  
"Eat some more vegetables," Sanzo reprimanded, as he did at almost every meal.

None of the four, while placing their orders, noticed the eyes watching them and the predatory gleam lingering in each.

* * *

A/N: Maybe the plot will start now >.> 


	4. Despair

**Title:** The Abstract Noun  
**Rating:** T for language and tobacco/alcohol use  
**Pairing: **GojyoxSanzo.

**A/N and Warning: **Thank you for your reviews once again! They really keep me happy : I'd like to point out that this chapter has more blood and violence than the previous ones, but I figure if you can read Saiyuki, you'll be fine. And also, there's a reference to the last scene in volume 8. It's not enough to be a spoiler, but I'm gonna explain that one small scene later, so just keep watch. I'm also not very sure about Gojyo's characterization in this one. It was by far the hardest ..probablybecause there's some sap close to the end. Italics denote a flashback.And if anyone notices a mistake or something, I don't have a beta, so please feel free to point it out to me

* * *

. Goku's eyes sparkled as each dish was set onto the table, wooden chopsticks already separated and straining towards the food. As soon as the waitress left, he dug into the steaming plates, opting to forego the customary thanks in his zeal. Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo chose to try the sake first. Sipping the beverage, they took no notice of the scrape of wooden chairs across tile floors as the customers surrounding them stood up one by one. Upon hearing the noise, the waitress stepped back out from the kitchen to which she had returned, pausing a bit in surprise.

"Will _all_ of you…be needing your checks?"

. The hesitation in the waitress's voice attracted the three men's attention, though Goku continued to eat noisily, completely oblivious. The ominous click of jewelry being removed began to fill the room. An earring here, a bangle there – one by one, the customers began to remove their demon power limiters and sprout the long, pointed ears characteristic of their kind. There was a silence so serene, the wind blowing through the window could be heard. The Sanzo-ikkou turned in their seats to face their enemies. The trigger to the twisted concerto was the waitress's scream when she realized the patrons had sharp teeth and sharper claws – all the better to eat her with. All hell broke loose as our four heroes leaped from their seats and began to combat the onslaught of youkai. The roar of the demons combined with the bark of fired shots and the crash of splintered wood harmonized into a horrendous symphony occasionally punctuated with the screams of the dying. Fingernails scraped across Sanzo's arm, and he blew off the offending hand. Not even waiting for the youkai to scream in agony, he whirled around a stuck a bullet in another one's forehead. Goku swung his nyoi-bou, catching two demons in the stomach and sending them crashing into a third. Hakkai's chi blasted a hole in one attacker's chest, and his foot effectively shattered the nose of another sneaking behind him. Gojyo's shakujou made quick but messy work of his share of enemies, its crescent blade slicing through flesh and bone. However, the number of youkai did not seem to be significantly decreasing. The restaurant was far too cramped to make progress in such a heated battle.

"We have to get out of here!" Gojyo yelled. He began clearing a path towards the entrance.  
"No! Gojyo, that leads straight to town! This way!"

. Hakkai proceeded towards the back of the restaurant, leaping over the counter to gain access to the kitchen and hopefully, the back door. The other three followed suit. Seeing the waitress crouched in fear behind the countertop, Hakkai grabbed her around the waist and ran into the kitchen. The cooks had apparently fled in fear as told by the steaming pots and the burning food remaining on the stove. The first demon that followed them got a pot of boiling soup to the face, and his howling and thrashing bought the group enough time to locate the door marked by large fluorescent letters reading "EMPLOYEE EXIT" and barge their way out into the woodlands.  
. Hakkai carefully placed the unconscious waitress (she fainted) on the ground, leaning her against the back wall of the restaurant. The flood of demons scrambling out of the door they had just come out of did nothing to daunt the four, but they proceeded further into the forest in hopes of having the cover of foliage at their advantage. Sanzo reloaded his gun the best he could while in motion and disappeared behind a tree to finish the job.

"You've got to be shittin' me."

. Gojyo's voice broke through the battle, drawing all their gazes to where the redhead was looking at – further into the woods where a purely demon blockade awaited them, teeth gleaming white in the darkness. Meanwhile, the youkai from the restaurant closed in on them, effectively blocking off all available escape routes.

"What do we do now?" Goku asked.  
"Well, we can't lead them back into town," Hakkai answered.  
"Then we beat the shit out of all these bastards so they can't follow us!" Gojyo stated, gripping his shakujou with newfound confidence and a cockier attitude. Sanzo snorted and fired the first bullet into the blockade. They were immediately surrounded by an enraged mass of youkai bodies, each left to his own devices to save his own skin. Gojyo released the head of his weapon, the chain cutting through the air to take off one of the youkai's heads. Easy as pie. However, his grin faded when the dead demon's partner seized the chain and pulled tight, rendering the blade useless. He found another reason to curse his human blood when the demon wrenched the shakujou, and Gojyo found his half-youkai strength did not suffice. The shaft slid forward in his grip.

"Is it just me, or are these sons of bitches getting smarter!" Gojyo yelled to whoever was listening, swinging the other end of his weapon into another demon's face with whatever control he still had.  
. Sanzo, though he barely heard Gojyo's outburst, had to agree. The second bullet out of his chamber struck a youkai in the heart, but the third bullet didn't kill another one. Rather, it struck the same dead youkai, and Sanzo was never one to intentionally waste bullets. The other demon had picked up his dead companion and was using his body as a shield. Frustrated, Sanzo shot the youkai on his left in the temple, the one behind him in the stomach, and the last through the eye. The click pronounced by the trigger announced its lack of bullets, so Sanzo was left to swing the butt of the Smith & Wesson into another youkai's teeth. However, the demons had apparently learned to count the number of shots, and knowing that without his primary weapon, Sanzo was sorely outnumbered, they pounced upon him.  
. Gojyo had just managed to kick the youkai who had a grip on his chain down when he caught a glimpse of white out of the corner of his eye. Sanzo's robes were disappearing into the shadows.  
"Sanzo!" he shouted, trying to fight his way to the priest. By the time he had struck down the demons in front of him, the monk was nowhere to be seen.  
. Unconsciously fueled by desperation, not for himself but for Sanzo, Gojyo battled like a man possessed. His blade sang through the air with renewed fervor, disposing of his enemies with gory efficiency. In this manner, Gojyo rid himself of his adversaries and shot off into the forest, following the route he'd seen Sanzo take. Hakkai and Gojyo finished soon after, dusting their hands and watching the retreating forms of the remaining youkai disappear into the trees.

"Well," Goku said, wiping the blood from a cut under his eye, "that oughtta show 'em who's – oi! Gojyo!"

. He had turned around to see the redhead run off into the shadows and went off in pursuit, Hakkai trailing behind. The two crashed through the branches, struggling through the growth hindering their progress. More than once, they nearly tripped over an unconscious demon suffering from a concussion from what suspiciously appeared to be the blunt end of a gun. Goku followed the fleeting glimpses of red he saw through the leaves, but the intensity with which he followed prevented him from noticing offending vegetation. He crashed right into a low-lying branch. Hakkai caught up to a cursing Goku, righting himself from where he had fallen and rubbing the large bump on his forehead.  
"Damn kappa! I bet he let that branch back on purpose!"  
Hakkai helped Goku up and looked around.  
"Where is Gojyo anyway?"  
During their little setback, the redhead had gone from sight. Goku sniffed the air, hoping to catch Gojyo's scent with his abnormally acute sensory perception. What he perceived, however, was not Gojyo. It was

"Blood. I smell blood."

Goku started to run again, following the scent of carnage. Pushing aside the last of the undergrowth brought him and Hakkai into a clearing, in the middle of which stood a certain halfling with his back turned to them.  
"Oi! Gojyo!" Goku shouted, walking towards him. "If you had to go take a piss, the trees are a lot bett-"  
He stopped short as the smell of the dying hit him full force, and he followed Gojyo's gaze to the ground in front. What greeted him was white clothing stained an angry red as the pool of blood slowly spread and crept towards their feet. Hakkai approached them and laid eyes on the scene.

"Oh My God."

* * *

"I did all I can. We'll just have to wait and see." 

. With these words, the doctor picked up his bag and left the room. Sanzo lay on the bed, heavily bandaged and breathing faintly. Goku had drawn his chair to the bedside and sat hunched over and concentrating intently on Sanzo's gasps as if his gaze drew each of those ragged breaths. Gojyo was more discreet, resting on another chair a little further off. His arms were propped atop the backrest, his eyes peering over at the blonde. Hakkai had excused himself and went to the other room to rest. He had put most of his energy into keeping Sanzo alive on the trip back from the forest with his healing powers. Left to the silence save Sanzo's ragged intakes of breath, Gojyo found his mind wandering to the events of the previous afternoon.

* * *

_. Gojyo reached the clearing following the trail of broken branches and crushed grass that marked the youkai's and Sanzo's path. The demons were nowhere to be found, the only trace of them being the vivid crimson seeping into the earth in the very center of the field. Rushing over confirmed Gojyo's worst suspicions.  
. __Sanzo lay eagle-spread in a pool of his own blood, once pristine robes now a nearly unrecognizable muddy scarlet. His right arm was bent at a strange angle. The Smith & Wesson lay in the weeds a foot from his hand, accompanying the shreds of black cloth that used to be his traveling cloak. Various scratches adorned his face and neck, no doubt the work of demon claws. However, the most noticeable and devastating wound was the gaping one in his stomach. There were no traces of his robe left surrounding it – it had been torn off in the process of making the wound. A long tear, almost perfectly straight and horizontal, ran its course across the priest, bubbling life energy onto the dirt._

_Gojyo was in shock._

_Sanzo was dead._

_. He vaguely registered Goku's voice in the background calling to him, vaguely registered the other's presence, vaguely registered Hakkai's gasp. His world funneled down and concentrated itself on Sanzo's cataleptic form, only to be brought back by Goku intruding on his field of vision as the young boy knelt by the monk and began to shake his still shoulders._

"_Sanzo! Sanzo, wake up!"  
_"_Goku, move!"_

_Hakkai almost shoved Goku aside in his urgency, dropping down next to Sanzo. There was no room to be polite in such a situation. He placed two fingers on Sanzo's neck, right below the jaw, and felt the weak fluttering of a pulse._

"_He's alive!"?  
_"_What?"_

_Gojyo snapped out of his stupor when he heard Hakkai's exclamation. He joined the brunette on the ground, desperate for some reassurance to confirm those words. Hakkai cleared him aside as he did with Goku.  
_"_Excuse me, but I think I just might be able to stabilize him."  
. __Gojyo and Goku watched, straining towards Sanzo but holding themselves in check to give Hakkai, their only hope, room to work. A ball of light appeared in Hakkai's hands, bathing Sanzo's wound in a warm glow. Muscle and skin slowly rejuvenated themselves, restoring a relative soundness to the priest's abdomen. The light disappeared along with the wound, and Hakkai stood up, breathing hard.  
_"_I've managed to close it, but it's best we find a doctor, quick."  
__He moved as if to pick Sanzo up but staggered and collapsed. Goku caught him and helped him regain his balance. Nonetheless, Hakkai still leaned heavily on Goku, relying on the support of the boy's shoulders to keep himself on his feet.  
_"_Oh dear, it seems like I've overreacted myself," he stated apologetically. His condition and Goku's position left Gojyo with Sanzo as his responsibility. Knowing Sanzo was out of immediate danger erased all traces of worry from his mind, and the constant irritation that came with the priest's presence returned. Damn monk. He always managed to become baggage after one fight or another. Composure somewhat regained, Gojyo picked up the dangerously light blonde, and the group began to trek back to town. In the midst of the frenzy, none of them noticed that the Maten Sutra was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

_

. Gojyo shifted slightly in his seat. Sanzo was gonna throw a fit when he woke up and found the sutra missing. At least they didn't forget the gun. Gojyo reached into his pocket and took out the firearm, observing the weak light playing across its silver surface. Such a miniscule weapon backed up Sanzo's threats and defined the man. He hefted it in his hand. Unloaded, it was extremely light and showed no reason to fear. In was rather cute, in fact, with its comically short barrel and its worn handle. Once in was in Sanzo's grip, however, that was a totally different story.  
"Che," Gojyo snorted, pocketing the gun once more. Only an insane person can change the air of a Smith & Wesson from adorable to intimidating. And lo! The king of all crazies incapacitated on a bed, not even as intimidating as a dandelion on a newly mowed lawn.

"Oi, Goku," Gojyo started, "he's not gonna die if you stop looking, y'know."  
"I know that."  
Nonetheless, his gaze never left Sanzo as if he didn't believe his own words.  
"Look."  
Gojyo stood up and walked over to Goku, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
"He's not gonna like having you worry over him like this. You know how he gets – pissy and the whole 'I live for myself, I die for myself, now back the fuck off' routine. He's gonna shit a brick if he finds you watching over him."  
Goku's shoulders slumped further in resignation.  
"Yeah, I guess."

. The boy stood up and proceeded to leave the room, hesitating when he heard Sanzo's breath catch, then walking on once it resumed its relative regularity. Gojyo was now left alone with Sanzo, but he couldn't follow his own advice and depart from the room. He couldn't bear to. He denounced his words as lies. Sanzo might die if no-one was looking. The doctor had been skeptical of his condition. What's to say his doubt wasn't reasonable? Gojyo went back to his chair, facing Sanzo again. His stomach dropped and his heart clenched as he watched the priest. He couldn't dismiss it as anger or irritation or animosity, or whatever he usually attributed that feeling to. It felt like the times when he'd sit at home, his arm still throbbing where his mother had grabbed him, his cheek smarting where her fist had met, hearing what was going on behind closed doors. It was…sadness, despair, but this time, it wasn't for himself.

"Live, you bastard. Use that hate to _live_."

. Gojyo nearly had a heart attack when Sanzo suddenly sat up at those words, eyes hidden in the shadow of his bangs. The priest clambered out of his bed and began to walk towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Gojyo inquired, still seated.  
"To get back what's mine, damnit."  
This was starting to look too much like the aftermath of their first encounter with Kami.(1)  
At least no-one would have to break the news of the missing holy document to him.  
"The sutra?" Gojyo prodded further, hoping Sanzo would realize the extent of his injuries, like he had done before, and collapse.  
"What else?" Sanzo shot back, fumbling with the doorknob.

Silence reigned save the clicking of the lock as Sanzo struggled to turn it with his weakened fingers. Gojyo let out a sigh and asked the crucial question.

"Can you walk?"

. Sanzo's eyes widened slightly as the sudden pain, diluted by his half-awake state, reached its full potential and robbed him of his breath. He hit the ground with a solid 'thud', thankfully on his good arm. Gojyo looked away as Sanzo clenched his fist and yelled into the floorboards his frustration at his failure, his helplessness. Gojyo dared to look back only when the noise had subsided and Sanzo remained still on the floor. Without a word, he stood from his chair and walked over to the priest's prone figure. Gojyo picked up the unconscious form, draping an arm over his shoulder and half-carrying, half-dragging him over to the bed where he dropped him with infinite care. Sweat from the exertion dripped from Sanzo's pores, but his breathing had evened out. Gojyo stood over the blonde, his eyes caressing him. His hand trembled as he reached over to Sanzo's face, brushing the bangs out of his eyes. An electric tingle went up his fingers at the contact, but his hand shot back when he realized what he was doing. Slumping onto the flooring with his back resting against the bedframe, he pulled out a cigarette and stuck it between his lips. He didn't light it though. Rather, he bowed his head, resting it against his interlaced digits.

"Just…stop, Sanzo," he whispered. "When you're like this…it hurts me too."

His confession was lost in the empty air, answered only by the smoke wafting around his head and Sanzo's breaths fluttering against the sheets.

* * *

(1) The group meets this guy named Kami-sama who killed the little boy twin demons just because he didn't need them anymore. Gojyo runs off to find him, the rest of them go off the find Gojyo, and they all get their collective butts kicked by this guy. Kami steals Sanzo's sutra and Sanzo goes through this mental breakdown sort of thing and freaks out. He tries to go get the sutra back before he's healed, collapses, and Gojyo has to get him back into bed. Sweet, angsty moment. : 


	5. Loss

**Title:** The Abstract Noun (Chapter 5)  
**Rating:** T for language, violence,and alcohol/tobacco use  
**Pairing: **GojyoxSanzo

**A/N and Warning: **Thank you once again for the reviews! I would like to warn you there's a slight spoiler about what happens to Kougaiji once Nii gets his hands on him. There's also more Sanzo torture. But that's because I totally have to agree with Santuary of Darkness. Sanzo does get his ass handed to him a lot in the series. And as this story progresses...the OOCness of the characters becomes more and more evident --;; I apologize in advance for Dr. Nii. He was extremely hard to write because I never really even thought out his personality before or anything. I never thought he'd come out in this storry ;;

* * *

. A week had passed since Hakkai came to check up on Sanzo in the morning and found Gojyo asleep in a chair, his head tilted in such a way that his eyes would land on the priest had they been opened. Of course, Hakkai had only smiled knowingly and did not even mention it in the following days. Sanzo's condition had improved from his sorry state, so he was up and hurling shit this way and that as if he needed to catch up for the days he had been out. Gojyo refrained from remaining in the room any longer once Sanzo's will to live proved sufficient. It also helped that he was a victim of Sanzo's verbal abuse more often than anyone else. 

"Shit bastard. Next time I'll let him go out and get himself killed."

. Gojyo fumed as he stormed out of the room after a particularly vicious bout of insults, heading downstairs to the kitchen. Hakkai had been preparing their meals since they brought Sanzo back in hopes that nutritional food would have a more positive effect on the priest's health than the inn's deep-fried platters. Gojyo didn't see the difference when it was obvious that Sanzo survived primarily on cigarettes and beer.

"Good morning, Gojyo," Hakkai said genially as the redhead opened the door. "Would you mind doing me a favor?"

The brunette held out a tray supporting several breakfast items in one hand while stirring some concoction with the other.

"Depends on what it is," Gojyo replied, thrusting his hands into his pockets.

"Can you take this to Sanzo?"

He lifted the tray a little higher for emphasis. Gojyo balked.

"What! That son of a bitch just kicked me out for delivering his medicine! What am I, his maid!"  
"It would save me the trouble of taking it up later after it's turned cold, and I can't ask Goku – he's asleep."

Gojyo groaned, realizing by ardently refusing in such a way, he'd indirectly called Hakkai a maid.

"Fine."

Gojyo roughly grabbed the tray from Hakkai's waiting hand. The tea in the earthen cup sloshed over in the process along with some of the soup still steaming in the bowl. Gojyo paid it no mind and kicked open the door, Hakkai's cheerful "Thank you!" following him out the kitchen.

. "Damn Hakkai. Damn fuckin' priest. What am I, errand boy? Leave it up to Hakkai to try and patch things up –"

Gojyo grumbled and muttered his way up the stairs.

"Oi, Sanzo!"

Gojyo pushed open the entrance to Sanzo's bedroom with his shoulder.

"Hakkai told me to bring you breakf –"

. An empty room greeted Gojyo, rumpled sheets draped over the bed without a body to cover their creases. The redhead dropped the tray on the table with a loud crash, emptying nearly all the bowls of their contents, and rushed off to check in the bathroom. No priest. He then ran to his own room and tore open the drawer where he stored Sanzo's Smith & Wesson. No gun. Gojyo swore with every colorful word in his vocabulary and then some before galloping down the stairs once again. The barkeep was rudely interrupted from his musings when Gojyo fisted his collar to grab his attention.

"Did a blonde priest walk out of a here just a moment ago?"  
"Yes, but when I asked for his blessing, he –"

Gojyo tore himself away from the conversation in his haste, leaving the bartender confused and indignant in his wake.

* * *

. Exiting the inn revealed another busy day of commerce already begun at such an early hour. Gojyo pushed his way through the crowd, using his considerable height to his advantage by peering over the masses in to a sea of black and brown hair. No sun-kissed golden stood out in his gaze. He decided he couldn't do this by himself. Crashing into the kitchen, Gojyo discovered Hakkai and Goku readying their meals, Goku's lips suspiciously close to a ladleful of soup from the pot. Seeing Gojyo's distraught expression, Hakkai inquired as to his condition. 

"Sanzo's gone," Gojyo panted.  
"WHAT!"

Goku dropped the ladle back into the pot in astonishment.

"Kidnapped?" Hakkai asked.  
"No, that bastard just walked out on his own, damn him!"

Hakkai's pallor lightened a shade.

"Well we gotta go an' bring him back!" Goku offered and started to run out the door. Gojyo caught him by the back of his shirt.  
"What! Lemme go, you stinkin' kappa! I have to go find Sanzo!"  
"You think you'll find him all by your puny little self out in that crowd!" Gojyo roared.  
"Hakkai," he continued in a more civil manner, "I think he went back to those woods to find the sutra."  
"That would be the most viable reason. We should take Jeep."

Hakkai left the kitchen to find Hakuryuu, leaving Gojyo and Goku to wait for him. Gojyo's fingers tightened around Goku's shirt, which he had failed to let go of.

"Stop it! You're chokin' me!"

. Gojyo immediately let go and apologized listlessly. The phase of initial panic had passed, and now Gojyo was left with a certain sinking feeling he almost always had when Sanzo's well-being was concerned. Worry. It sure contradicted the image he exuded to the world. Out of habit, he fished in his pocket for a cigarette to calm his nerves. The lighter followed, and he couldn't help but be reminded of that night just over a week ago when he had teased Sanzo with it. Goku was pacing fretfully across the floor when Hakkai opened the door and ushered them out. Traversing an alley to a less crowded side road, the dragon turned into a vehicle, and the three continued their pursuit in a speedier manner. No conversation passed between them until they reached the woods where they curtly agreed to split up and search and meet back at Jeep.  
. Gojyo took the same path he had taken after the battle the week prior. Crashing through the growth, he reached the same clearing where he'd discovered Sanzo, and walking across it brought him past the same pool of blood, now dried a rusty brown and forever fossilizing the bent blades of grass that formed a vague outline of where the priest had lain. Taking another long drag from his cigarette, Gojyo walked further into the woods. Goku and Hakkai were not having much luck either. Goku's sense of smell brought none of Sanzo's scent, and Hakkai did not even find one broken twig to aid their search. Things were not looking hopeful.

* * *

. The sun painted portraits across a leaden sky, splashes of brilliance left in the wake of divine paintbrushes sweeping away the day. Indigo slowly seeped across the sunset, bright white spatters replacing the harsh colors. From the shadows came rustling as branches were parted and leaves rubbed against each other. Hakkai looked up from where he had been standing to see Gojyo step out from the woods. 

"Any luck?"  
"No."

. In the pale moonlight, Hakkai could plainly see Gojyo's haggard complexion, sharply set off by the same flaming red of his hair. Gojyo took the stub of his cigarette from his mouth and stamped it out on a patch of dirt. More rustling signified Goku's arrival as he too materialized from the darkness.

"Have any of you guys seen Sanzo?"

Hakkai and Gojyo shook their heads.

"Well, I'm gonna go check one more time. I think I might've missed someplace."

. Before Hakkai could object, Goku had disappeared back into the trees. The brunette sighed and leaned back against Jeep who was already supporting Gojyo's weight. An orange glow emanated from Gojyo's newly lit cigarette, flaring slightly as he drew from it, then diminishing again in the company of a wreath of smoke. Hakkai was the first to break the silence, broaching a topic that had been lingering in the recesses of his mind for the past week.

"Gojyo…"

He hesitated. Gojyo looked up.

"What?"  
"Do you lo…er…how do you feel about Sanzo?"

Hakkai looked up expectantly at Gojyo, his face revealing none of the awkwardness betrayed by his voice. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable with the question but rather he was uncomfortable about making Gojyo feel uncomfortable.

"Tch. Were you waiting until he went missing? He knows I think he's a son of a bitch. The feeling's mutual, actually."

Gojyo grinned sadly at the sky, the smile harboring all the hints of a nostalgic moment in remembrance of something special that happened a very long time ago.

"You love him," Hakkai stated in a very matter-of-fact manner. There. He had put a word to that emotion Gojyo had been experiencing – the twisted gut feeling that normally sounds like something painful but actually denotes one of the most wonderful things in the world. It was _THE_ abstract noun, and it blew away anything else Gojyo had convinced himself it was. The cigarette fell to the ground.

"No, no I don't. Men don't love other men….like _that_. At least _I_ don't. And other than that, who'd love a bastard like him?  
"Gojyo, it's not unnatural. You shouldn't try to deny it."  
"…"  
"Besides, he _is_ pretty."  
"Yeah…yeah, I guess."  
"We're not looking down on you for it."  
"I know."  
"Gojyo –"  
"Fine!"

Gojyo exploded, whirling around to face Hakkai, his breathing rapid, his eyes wide.

"I _do_ love him, okay! I don't know how the hell it happened or when or why and I don't even fuckin' _WANT_ to! Nothing good ever came out of it! This is the shit that screws people over! We can't –"

He paused, regaining his composure and lowering his gaze.

"_I_ can't afford to feel that way."  
"Gojyo – "  
"I _know_ if I didn't feel this way, Sanzo going off like that wouldn't bother me this much."  
"…"  
"This ass-suckin' quest is too dangerous for that, too risky."  
"Gojyo, I'm – "  
"Look, just don't mind me, okay? I'll sort this shit out sooner or later."

. The hand Hakkai reached out with fell to his side, shot down by Gojyo's words. Goku came out of the forest again, looking just as dejected as half an hour prior, signifying Sanzo's continued absence. Without a word, the three piled into Jeep and drove back towards town, a cloud of desolation hanging low over their heads.

* * *

. Hakkai reclined by the bar, reflecting on the happenings of recent times over a drink. A month had passed since Sanzo left them to search for the sutra. Two weeks of that month, he, Gojyo, and Goku combed the woodlands to even as far as the next town – to no avail. After their last search, Hakkai had voiced the possibility that he knew was in each of their minds but no-one had brought up.

* * *

"_We haven't considered the possibility that…you know…"_

_Hakkai's words slipped as he faltered, all their eyes concentrating intently on the ground._

"_Sanzo…he might be…dead."  
_"_No!"_

_Goku's head snapped up to stare at Hakkai in the eye, that golden gaze of his completely confident and innocent in his refusal._

"_Sanzo isn't dead! He's not gonna die because of some stinkin' low-level youkai! He's too strong for that!"_

_All the boy's idol worship of the priest poured into his ardent words as he continued his rant._

"_Besides, I KNOW he's still alive. I can feel it!"  
_"_Yeah," Gojyo joined in, though not as enthusiastically, "if he really died, we should know by now – either the demon's coming to gloat or Kanzeon Botsatsu making one of her appearances."  
_"_I suppose so," Hakkai sighed.

* * *

_

. Hakkai asked the bartender for another bottle to add to his growing collection. The clock on the wall rang to proclaim that nine o' clock had descended into their midst. It would be dark out by now. Hakkai gazed over at the doorway, expecting Goku to come in, dejected just as much as every other night he'd gone out in search of Sanzo by himself. Goku was never one to give up of course, especially when Sanzo was concerned, but the entire ritual was beginning to smack of denial, perhaps even obsession. Gojyo was behaving strangely as well, holing himself up in Sanzo's room and only appearing for meals, sometimes not even for that. Hakkai sorely regretted talking to Gojyo about his feelings for Sanzo. Now even the redhead's pride wasn't there to compel him to save face and move on. Gojyo now had no excuse to pretend he was perfectly fine, and he exploited it with all the months of pent-up emotion.  
. The two older men both knew that if Sanzo was to be found, it sure wasn't going to be them to find him. The priest would make sure to come back on his own. Searching in the face of such stubbornness was useless. However, without Sanzo, the quest to stop Gyumaoh's revival was put on hold. It was Sanzo that had received the heavenly decree, and it was Sanzo who possessed the only means of even daring to stand up to the demon. Therefore, the three remaining travelers had stayed in the town with no reason to continue and no desire to turn back.  
. The creak of the door ushered Goku into the lobby. Despite himself, Hakkai found himself facing the boy, an unwanted flicker of hope springing up in his chest. Goku's eyes told otherwise, and he trod up the stairs with heavy feet. Hakkai's gaze followed Goku to the top of the steps where it averted to look at the closed door behind which Gojyo languished in his own smoke. He turned back to his drink.

. Two moths fluttered against the window, entranced by the light glowing just out of reach. The smaller of the two managed to slip in through the crack at the bottom, flapping towards the light in which rested its demise. Its companion attacked the glass with renewed fervor until it wore itself out, where it fell upon the sill and looked longingly for the other.

'Sanzo,' Hakkai thought, 'now you're just being selfish.'

* * *

. Now we will turn our attentions to a certain blonde priest whose disappearance caused all the aforementioned angst over the course of a month. He traversed the clearing, gritting his teeth disdainfully as he passed the dark patch in the center. His hand pressed slightly against his stomach, fingering the seams that held together the patched-up robe and feeling the lingering tenderness underneath. A twinge of pain let itself be known, but Sanzo's dogged trek surpassed it to hold priority. The priest staggered on.  
. The day reached its height with the sun blazing mercilessly from its zenith. Sweat dripped down Sanzo's forehead, leaving wet trails from temple to jaw. His heavy robes did nothing to help, cumbersome and sticky along with his jeans and skintight top. The trees had thinned along a river bank upon which Sanzo had thankfully stumbled upon. The water was cool upon the priest's hands as he dipped them deep and splashed the liquid onto his face. He leaned over once again, cupping his hands for a drink when suddenly, he felt the dirt of the bank erode underneath his feet and pitched forward into the river.  
. The current was swift and strong; it swept Sanzo downstream as he struggled to resurface from under the churning waters. The trees on the bank had thickened, leaving no room to climb back up. Sanzo stayed afloat long enough to see the stone and sand of a bank appear further down, and he struck out towards it with all the strength he could muster. His feet soon touched shell. Sanzo clambered out onto solid land, breathing hard as he worked to balance his oxygen level. He sprawled out on the ground, well aware that his clothes were sopping wet and soaking into his skin. He pulled his arm around to rest against his abdomen where the pain had turned into a perpetual dull throbbing. His body complained that it wasn't ready for such strenuous activity, and Sanzo felt the strength leaving his limbs. His head tilted to one side, the priest slipped into oblivion.

* * *

. His eyes opened a crack, his eyelids unbelievably heavy. The resulting view was blurred by his dubious vision, and he rubbed his hand over his face – or rather, tried to. He found he could barely lift his arm, the required effort multiplied a hundredfold. His eyes snapped open at this disturbing realization, only to be greeted with beads set into a white face, thread whiskers fraying from a button nose. Something was definitely wrong. 

"Oh, Mr. Bunny! It appears Sanzo-sama has awakened!"

The large stuffed rabbit was taken from Sanzo's face and replaced by a bespectacled man looming over him. There was light stubble on his chin and he was wearing a white lab coat, holding the plush under one arm. The man grinned over a cigarette.

"Hello! My name's Dr. Nii and I'll be your physician for the day."

Sanzo grit his teeth and ground out a demand for an explanation, amplifying the splitting migraine currently occupying his head.

"What have you done to me?"  
"Well, restrain you, for one. You were struggling so I had someone knock you out when you woke up, but I'll be needing my guinea pig in one piece, you know."  
"Guinea pig? Bastard."  
"I haven't done anything yet. We're making preparations right now. So tell me, Sanzo-sama, are you strong-willed?"  
"What's it to you?"  
"You won't be worth much to me if you're not."  
"Like I care."  
"Sanzo-sama, you're being awfully rude."  
"Fuck off."  
"You haven't answered my question. That makes Mr. Bunny very sad."  
"And if I don't answer?"  
"You might have another run-in with those youkai I sent a week ago."

Sanzo's defensive standpoint softened slightly, started by this revelation.

"You sent them? Not Kougaiji?"  
"Ah! So you're acquainted with Kougaiji-sama. Well, let's just say he's in no condition to be giving orders now. He answers to me." (1)

Sanzo was dumbfounded. This Dr. Nii commanded Kougaiji? But…

"You're not a demon."  
"Of course not."

Nii tugged at his ears.

"See? Not pointed. But how do you like my demons?"  
"…"  
"I've been working on them. Even though they're strong, they seemed to be a bit lacking in the brains department. So I've been altering their genetic and biological structure to give them more logic and thinking skills. Have you noticed the improvement?"

A twinge ran across Sanzo's abdomen as if to answer.

"You see," Nii continued, "the minus wave wasn't enough. It just made the demons go berserk. No control, no discipline, and stupider for it. So I took it upon myself to fix it. And Gyokumen-sama makes sure I have my toys."  
"You're sick."  
"Now, back to the subject of my newest acquisition," he continued, ignoring Sanzo's disgust, "I need to know if you're strong-willed. What I'm doing now is adding a complete control factor into the experiment. It'll make the patient obedient to my every word. What I'm not sure of is if anyone can break it. That's where you come in."  
"You're telling me this…why?"  
"I figured you'd fight harder. Inactive toys aren't very much fun, you know."

A loud whirring began to radiate from a device across the room, effectively cutting off their conversation.

"Oh! It appears to be read. Say good-bye, Mr. Bunny!"

. Nii took the stuffed rabbit's arm and waved it in Sanzo's direction before walking towards the source of the noise. Sanzo took the opportunity to test his restraints and found that not only were his limbs tied down but his body wasn't obeying either. With a frustrated groan, he let his head back to rest against whatever he was on and proceeded to take in his surroundings.  
. A high, sloping ceiling framed the stone floor, and the architecture strongly suggested a manor, or perhaps even a castle. Technology littered the ground in strong contrast to the apparent time frame of the building. A tube of suspicious green liquid bubbled in one corner while lines and blips ran across various computer screens lined against the walls. He struggled to try to catch a glimpse of Nii's newest diabolical device when the plush bunny flooded his field of vision once again.

"Ready, Sanzo-sama?"  
"Would you take no for an answer?"  
"Probably not."

. Nii wheeled Sanzo, who was apparently strapped to some type of gurney, towards the invention. The priest craned his head the best he could when the gurney stopped and managed to make out the general shape of the machine. It was made of hard plastic and stainless steel on the outside with a half-cylinder shaped hole through the middle, much like a CT scan. He stopped looking when Nii began to attach wires to him – one on either temple, one on his throat, one over his heart, and two on the soles of his feet. The legs of the gurney were folded up, and Sanzo was shoved into the hole, looking up at the translucent panes lining the top of the half-cylinder. The last he saw was the white stuffed rabbit before darkness fell around him. The silence was deafening, the tension crushing. He could hear his own breaths and his heartbeats thudding in his ears.

'No,' he told himself, 'this isn't fear. I am not afraid. I do not fear pain or death or –'

. The translucent panes suddenly flashed with light, and an electric shock exploded through Sanzo's body. Nothing he had ever experienced could compete with what he was going through then. He wasn't sure if he was screaming. He wasn't even sure if it was pain. The feeling was so entirely foreign; it was having something eating him from the inside out but leaving all flesh intact. It was feeding on his will, his pride, his sense of self, his control. It was the worst possible thing that could happen. Sanzo was slipping through his own fingertips, and he was powerless to stop it. An unbidden cry for help rose to his tongue, but the disappearing shreds of his dignity kept his mouth shut while his mind pleaded.

'Help! Someone, help,' he thought. 'Gojyo…'

The name did not come from any conscious decision of his own, and the unexpectedness of it tore him from his situation for a moment. Just a moment, but it was enough. The light died down as did the whirring of the machine, and the door to the tube opened to release him to the outside world once again. Nii slid him out of the device and to Sanzo's surprise, began undoing the buckles holding him down. As soon as the last one fell from his wrist, Sanzo attempted to attack the doctor. Imagine his shock when he realized he couldn't move!

"Hmm…," Nii said, "I wonder if it worked. Stand up."

Sanzo immediately sprang off the surface. Inside his mind, Sanzo's thoughts cluttered and stormed as he tried to understand what in the blue fuck was going on.

"What the hell did you do, you son of a bitch!"  
His own words startled him as they reached his ears. There was no bite, no anger in them even though he intended all of his hatred to be spoken. Even his face didn't contort in fury. Rather, his voice was deadpan, almost monotone, and his expression remained neutral.  
"Oh, it seems you can still speak of your own volition. What a pity. I'll have to fix the machine's level. But I wonder just how successful this was."  
Nii wandered around Sanzo, bunny slippers dragging on the floor as he inspected him.

"Jump."

To his horror, Sanzo's legs bent underneath him, and he sprang into the air.  
"Hop on one foot and pat your head."  
Sanzo's pride screamed its refusal, but his body chose Nii's words over his own and obeyed in accordance. If Sanzo had any control over himself, his face would've been burning with shame. He prepared himself for the next onslaught of humiliation. However, no amount of preparation would've readied him for the command that followed.

"Now," Nii smirked.

**"Kill the Sanzo-ikkou."

* * *

**

(1) Nii does something to Kougaiji, starting from the 6th volume,that basically erases all emotion and stuff like that. He answers to Nii and Gyokumen, much like a puppet. 


	6. Acceptance

**Title:** The Abstract Noun (Chapter 6)  
**Rating:** T for language, violence, and alcohol/tobacco use  
**Pairing:** GojyoxSanzo

**A/N and Warning: **OOC reaches its zenith in the longest chapter yet. Wow, I haven't updated for over a year, sorry for that. I actually had this chapter written since December or so, but I've been too lazy to type it up. Therefore, please point out any mistakes - I have no beta. Also, I don't know if I can actually finish this story. I've kinda dropped out of the Saiyuki fandom (and into One Piece. I kept typing Sanji instead of Sanzo when I was doing this), but I'll try. And yay for plotholes.

* * *

Sanzo's stunned silence permeated the room. Nonetheless, when Nii tossed the Smith & Wesson he had confiscated at him, Sanzo felt his hands automatically shoot out to catch it.

"Well," Nii spoke, "get to it, then."

"What?"

Sanzo jolted out of his shock in a very late and lame comeback to Nii's demands.

"Go kill your friends. You have your gun."

"No."

Sanzo's words carried no weight, for his feet carried him in the direction of the door. Ignoring him, Nii added his final instructions.

"Oh, just to let you know, you've been out for a couple of weeks, so I don't know if they've given you up for dead or not. They'll probably still be in town though."

Nii blew out a ring of smoke and stuck his cigarette back between his lips.

"And this place is enchanted. Only way out is the river. You're gonna have to take it downstream for a week or so, then go around the bend up to the town."

Sanzo dimly registered the nod of his head. Nii waved.

"Have fun!"

Sanzo cursed as he left.

* * *

Now we speed up back to where we left our three remaining travelers, a month after Sanzo's disappearance. Listless and dejected as ever, they sat around a table in hopes of whittling the hours away. It was a totally different situation than when Gojyo had gone missing – Hakkai, of course, felt nearly the same as he did then, stress and irritation gnawing away at his patience, but no-one was there to bring it out into full anger. The others' feelings for Sanzo ran much deeper. Neither Goku nor Gojyo could dismiss their emotions as mere annoyance.

Hakuryuu rustled restlessly around Hakkai, unaccustomed to staying in one area for such a long time. Faintly, the three heard a scuffle downstairs, the shrill voice of the lobby attendant muffled by the door. None of them paid heed, writing it off as another bar fight, and also much more intent on battling their apprehensions and doubts for emotional stability. So naturally, they all jumped in surprise at a loud banging coming from their room's entryway, not expecting anyone to have any reason to intrude on their sorrows. The door flew open with a crash, and three pairs of eyes widened at the sudden realization of who the intruder exactly was.

"Sanzo…," Hakkai gasped and stood from his seat to walk towards him. Sanzo raised his head, purple gaze lingering over his companions. His gun followed suit, halting Hakkai in his tracks.

"Sanzo, what –"  
"Run."

The first shot clipped Hakkai in the leg as he dodged at the last second, throwing the room into chaos. Chairs and other furniture were left overturned as Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo scrambled to get out of the way.

"Shit, what the hell's going on!" Gojyo shouted from behind a bedstand.  
"That can't be Sanzo! We should atta – "

Goku's suggestion was cut short as the Smith & Wesson barked twice, leaving two crimson holes in his torso. The boy dabbed slowly at the openings with his fingers, mute in shock and staining his hands in red. Looking up with disbelief in his wide golden eyes, he fell to the ground.

"Goku!" Hakkai yelled, starting towards his fallen form when he, too, felt the bite of a bullet through his chest and collapsed, blood leaking his mouth. From where he remained, half-crouched, torn between trying to help his companions and avoiding death, Gojyo could clearly see Sanzo's face – still, immobile, and impassive. However, the eyes told everything he needed to know, for in that gaze lay pain and panic beyond measure. This Sanzo couldn't be an imposter. Gojyo suddenly remembered that one night when he had fervently wished for a panicked expression from Sanzo, how nice it would've been to see the ice cracking and vulnerable. But seeing it here, unfolding before him, he felt, not the elation he had expected, but dread twisting low in his stomach. When he felt self-loathing begin to creep in as well, Gojyo could no longer stand idly by in hopes of saving his own skin. Abandoning his shelter, he leaped towards Sanzo.

Pain exploded in his shoulder as a bullet pierced through it, but the killing blow didn't follow. Gojyo had pinned Sanzo's arms to his sides in a warped imitation of an embrace.

"Sanzo," he pleaded, "stop, goddamnit. I know you wouldn't do this. Snap out of it."

The figure in Gojyo's arms tensed at those words.

"Sanzo…please…."

Gojyo felt himself being detached from Sanzo's form and thrown roughly to the ground. He closed his eyes, waiting for the bullet between his eyes.

It didn't come.

Rather, he heard the door slam shut, and opening his eyes revealed that the priest had left the room. Jumping to his feet, he wrenched the door open to see Sanzo downstairs, running out the main entrance. Gojyo was poised to follow him when he heard a low groan from inside the room and remembered Hakkai and Goku's conditions.

"Someone call a doctor, quick!" he yelled to the people in the lobby.

Taking one last look at the opening through which Sanzo had disappeared, Gojyo walked back inside and shut the door behind him.

* * *

The alleyway was dark and dank, shadows from the surrounding buildings flooding the narrow strip of dirt and stone. Sanzo planted a hand against the brick wall for support as his knees quavered beneath him.

He had shot them. He might have killed them.

His breath came in low gasps, trying to quell his rampant emotions and return them to some semblance of order. Hakkai and Goku wouldn't die from those wounds. They were stronger than that. They had been through worse. Slowly, he coaxed his mind to submission to his reasoning. As for Gojyo…

Sanzo felt like he had just swallowed something very unpleasant. He immediately chastised himself. He had shot Gojyo in the shoulder. It was nothing serious. So what was this feeling? Why was he so worried about him? Sanzo felt like kicking himself. He was **NOT **worried about Gojyo. He did **NOT** feel anything for him. A nagging voice in the back of his head questioned why he even had to reassure himself. Sanzo told it to shut the hell up.

Then he wondered how he had shaken off Nii's influence. It was sometime during the fight after he had shot Goku and Hakkai. Gojyo had hugged him. No, he had restrained him. Nothing more.

Sanzo forced his train of thought to leave the current situation and travel backwards towards the root. He had been captured by demons. The sutra had been stolen. He'd gone to retrieve it. He was kidnapped and placed in a laboratory. A man with a stuffed bunny –

"Nii," Sanzo growled.

He stalked out of the alley and headed towards the forest once more, having channeled his emotions into vengeance. Only of them was going to get out of those woods alive, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be that rabbit-obsessed psychopath.

* * *

"Well, they're out of the danger zone for now."

The doctor, finished with Hakkai, stood from his chair and collected his bag. Goku was asleep on the next bed. Gojyo nodded his acknowledgement from a nearby seat. With his hand on the doorknob, the doctor turned to speak to the redhead.

"Make sure you get your rest too. That shoulder wound isn't a pretty one. I feel like I'm seeing you boys too often for your own good."

Gojyo smiled, more to humor the doctor than in amusement. As soon as the door swung shut, Gojyo stuck a cigarette between his lips, letting nicotine wash over him. The smoke wouldn't harm Goku or Hakkai. They frickin' _LIVED_ with a couple of the biggest chain smokers in the district. Well, one chain smoker now. Gojyo's thoughts inevitably wandered over to their missing member.

Sanzo wouldn't do something like that. Not of his own will. Of course, the blonde's mental stability was questionable at times, but Gojyo highly doubted that the man ever shot at them to kill. Just wound, maim, or otherwise cause pain and suffering but never to KILL. But there was no doubt about it, Goku's and Hakkai's wounds a testament to Sanzo's intent. Gojyo leaned back, tipping the chair onto its tow back legs and staring up at the ceiling.

Sanzo's eyes.

They never left his mind. It was as if they were burned into his retinas. Gojyo could relive that moment when Sanzo had turned those eyes upon him and recall every bit of emotion wavering in the purple.

It was as if he was calling for help.

But Sanzo wouldn't do that, prideful bastard as he was. Gojyo almost laughed at himself for even entertaining such a notion. And he did laugh. It was a hollow, mirthless chuckle that escaped his lips as he brought the chair back down to all four legs and buried his face in his hands.

What could possibly have made Sanzo like that? What made him run off?

Gojyo blew the smoke he had been holding in his lungs into the still air.

"Where are you, you son of a bitch?"

* * *

"Move!"

Sanzo smashed the butt of his Smith & Wesson into the demon's nose and stepped into the small boat bobbing on the river. Apparently, he'd been expected back at this time with the now-prone youkai as chaperone. Sanzo's lips lifted slightly in disgust as he kicked off from the shore and rode the little skiff down the cascading ripples.

Passing the neck of trees and the magical barrier within, Sanzo loaded a bullet into the last slot of his gun's chamber and steered the boat to the approaching bank. He jumped out on to the dirt before he felt the wood scrape sand and took off towards the stately building towering before him.

There were only two demons stationed on either side of the heavy oaken double doors – burly, menacing, and staggeringly thick-headed. Seeing Sanzo approach them, they only blinked stupidly into the business end of the gun before the shots erupted into their heads and left the entrance relatively unguarded. Sanzo didn't even notice the peculiarity of the fact that there were no other youkai around. Even if he did, he probably would've dismissed it as the time of day the demons used to eat or sleep or whatever else demons did, so focused was he on his target. Thrusting open both doors, he stormed into the laboratory, throwing subtlety to the wind.

"Nii! Get out here, bastard!"

Sanzo's voice reverberated around the closed walls of iron and heavy stone. Hearing the metallic clunk of footsteps, Sanzo pointed his firearm up at the steel walkway above him upon which stood Dr. Nii leaning casually against the railings, stuffed bunny under his arm. He seemed totally unperturbed by the gun pointed at him, speaking with the same mocking tone he had used when Sanzo was defenseless several weeks ago.

"Ah, Sanzo-sama! Back so soon?"

Sanzo wordlessly shot at him, teeth clenched and eyes blazing with utter loathing. The bullet passed harmlessly through the flicker of shadow remaining where Nii had been standing a moment prior. He was now off to the left, relocated with inhuman speed.

"Such a shame the effect wore off so quickly," he continued, "I would've estimated six months at the very least."

Another shot, another flicker, and Nii was on the right side of the walkway. Without missing a beat, he went on with his very one-sided conversation.

"But I doubt you overcame it on your own. It seems as if that half-demon had quite a startling effect on you."

Sanzo paused for a moment to digest Nii's words.

"What? You were there?"  
"Yes, of course! You're my prize experiment. People don't let their guinea pigs or their toys just run around the place unattended, now do they? Back to the subject, that redhead was the only one you seemed extremely hesitant to kill – "  
"Shut up!"

Sanzo fired once more even though it was already obvious to the both of them that the action was merely a waste of bullets. His eyes widened, however, when he heard Nii's voice creeping from behind him.

"Seems I've touched a nerve, hmm? Now, you seemed to be fine until that _touching_ embrace, and then things started to fall apart from there. It's strange. It's not like you love him or anything –"

Sanzo visibly tensed. Nii's smirk grew even wider.

"...but then again, I've always thought you looked quite feminine, so perhaps your preferences lie in that direction as well?"

He grinned suggestively. Sanzo swung around to shoot but was robbed of the opportunity as Nii's arm darted forward into Sanzo's abdomen, punching into the newly healed scar and bursting it open. Blood dripped neatly to the ground as Sanzo's knees crumbled underneath him. He double over on the floor, splurting blood from his mouth and cursing his own weakness, rage increased a hundredfold and his capabilities dwindling to none.

Nii smiled above him, the entire left arm of his lab coat drenched in Sanzo's blood, the head of his stuffed bunny a glistening red.

"Let's play together again sometime, Sanzo-sama. That is…"

He looked up at the ceiling of the room as the earth underneath them trembled violently. Several spiderweb splinters began to wind their way up the walls, dust falling from every crevice and swirling through the air. Nii dug into the pocket of his lab coat and drew out the Maten Sutra from within. Sanzo's eyes widened when he saw it, and he tried and failed to regain his feet to retrieve it. Nii tossed it onto the ground, mere inches from Sanzo's fingertips.

"Amuse me a little while longer."

With a final "bye-bye!" he slipped out the double doors.

The shaking was extremely prominent now as chunks of stone dislodged themselves from the walls and ceiling. The building was coming down around Sanzo. Mustering whatever remaining strength he had, Sanzo seized the sutra and struggled to his feet. Hand clasped firmly around his wound to stem the bleeding, he staggered forward in spite of his fading vision, hoping to locate the door. The lab continued to crash down, pieces of rock narrowly missing the priest who, by sheer luck, was painfully making his way to the exit.

He was almost thwarted when the walkway upon which Nii had stood fell down with a tremendous bang right in front of the door, but Sanzo managed, through simple stubbornness, to force his deteriorating body over the railings and out the door. Momentum carried Sanzo's body forward enough to leave the danger zone of the collapsing building, but even if he was in the radius, he probably wouldn't have cared.

To say he fell like a sack of bricks would be an understatement. Sanzo practically melted into the ground, his breath coming in short gasps and his hand tightening around his bleeding stomach. His world flickered around him, and Sanzo surrendered his consciousness.

* * *

Sanzo walked through a faceless crowd, the voices coming from the surrounding area muffled and dim. His eyes glanced casually around, not really taking note of anything, when something caught his eye as the crowd parted. A shock of red hair stood out among the others as Gojyo walked towards him. Soon, Sanzo found himself caught in the half-demon's embrace, almost like the one he had received back at the inn. This one, however, wasn't as desperate and held no ulterior motive. Sanzo let himself give into it, an incredibly warm feeling spreading to even his fingertips. It was a good feeling – one he hadn't experienced for a long time. He could hardly place the word…right, it was happiness. Sanzo had never even imagined that he'd be able to feel it again after Koumyou's passing. It was so incredibly warm…

Suddenly, he noticed it was warm and wet. Sanzo looked up at Gojyo's face and saw betrayal in there. Gojyo collapsed against him, and Sanzo beheld his own hands. One was stained in the warm and wet substance – bright red and glistening. The other was tightened around the grip of a smoking Smith & Wesson. Sanzo dropped to his knees beside Gojyo. No, he couldn't have. He couldn't have shot – he couldn't have killed – no…

"Excuse me, sir. Sir!"

Sanzo's eyes flew open at the urgent voice, wrenched away from the nightmare. He was soaked in perspiration, his limbs twisted in the sheets. The source of the boice turned out to be a genial-looking middle-aged man who had a hand against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you were having quite a dream, thrashing about like that. Didn't want to tarry and let you open your wound."

The man's voice was thick with the accent of the region. Sanzo looked down at the clean linen bandages encircling his abdomen. Now aware that he wasn't in any immediate danger, Sanzo sat up and observed his surroundings.

He was in a small room, cozy and quaint, in which stood a Spartan amount of furniture – a cabinet, a table, the chair occupied by the stranger, and the bed currently being filled by himself. Sanzo turned to face his benefactor.

"How long was I asleep?"  
"Oh, naught but a day. Young blood, I assume. Not many would be able to get up after such short rest."  
"And my belongings?"  
"They're all over there."

The man gestured to the top of the cabinet where Sanzo's robes lay neatly folded along with his gun and, thank the gods, the Maten Sutra. Sanzo breathed a sigh of relief and fell back against the pillows.

There was a quiet knock at the door, and a teenage girl, presumably the man's daughter, entered with a tray in her hands. She blushed profusely over the steaming cups of tea at the sight of Sanzo. Her father didn't notice. Sanzo didn't care.

The man took the tray from his daughter's hands and offered a cup to Sanzo.

"Tea?"

Sanzo pushed himself up on one elbow and extended the other hand to receive the mug.

"Thank you."

As he sipped, the man stood from the chair and proceeded towards the door through which his daughter had already disappeared.

"Well sir, I'll be taking my leave now. Take care not to move too much lest you hurt yourself again."

Sanzo nodded in acknowledgement and was soon left to his own thoughts. Unsurprisingly, his thoughts drifted to their newest acquisition, the dream, or rather, nightmare from which had been awakened.

Now, Sanzo was a very logical person. But he was also very stubborn. As he sat upon the bed with the steaming mug in hand, his mind struggled to process the outcome of his brainstorming evenly between the two personality traits. Logic stated that his subconscious was telling him something. Stubbornness told him that he was merely replaying the scene from the inn. However, when logic began to trickle the fact that neither Goku nor Hakkai had appeared in the dream, followed by the slow spread of the warmth of Gojyo's embrace, Sanzo knew that logic was winning out.

Fanning the flames was Nii's accusation still lingering in his mind. All of this combined left Sanzo very confused, and Sanzo definitely did **NOT** like to be confused. His knuckles tightened around his mug. Perhaps Nii did have something there. Sanzo's feelings for Gojyo, as much as he would have liked to deny it, had undoubtedly changed over the course of time. The question was to what extent his feelings at changed and if they were reciprocated.

Sanzo wanted to shoot himself.

He thought he had abandoned all unneeded emotion ten years ago with the solid belief that they would only hinder, never benefit. To have this motley crew of idiotic bastards bring emotions back out in him was absurd.

Finishing the last of his tea, Sanzo placed the mug on the seat of the chair and lowered himself down to the pillow again. His temples had suddenly begun to throb, and since he was in no particular hurry to see his companions in such a befuddled state, he allowed himself to return to sleep. His final thoughts were of Gojyo who, though he would never say this aloud, was not all too harsh on the eyes.

* * *

_'Slap!'_

Four angry welts blossomed on Nii's cheek as Gyoukoumen Koushi's hand swept over his face.

"You mean to tell me you had the sutra but gave it back!"

The demoness' hysteric shrieks echoed through the halls of Gyumaoh's palace. Nii lit the cigarette dangling from his lips, not seeming to care or even to notice the blood dripping from his newest wound.

"If you wish, I will send someone to retrieve it."  
"Do you not care about Gyumaoh's revival at all?" Gyoukoumen ranted, "Why would you do such a thing!"

Nii grinned and looked up at her from where he stood, taking the cigarette from his mouth with two fingers.

"My dear mistress, I like to think that I'm much like a child. I play with my toys until they break."  
"I don't care about your philosophies. I care about Gyumaoh. Retrieve that sutra before I throw you out the door!"

Replacing the cigarette, Nii nodded languidly.

"Already being taken care of, mistress."

* * *

Sanzo awoke to the first scream punctuating his half-asleep state. The thundering of hurried footsteps rumbled outside the room as he swung his feet off the bed and hurried to the best of his ability to retrieve his belongings.

Stumbling out the door revealed the middle-aged man holding a kitchen knife, standing between his crouching daughter and a wickedly smiling demon. Without a second thought, Sanzo shot the youkai before it could attack and told the man to stay down and inside. A demon raid was obvious. No wonder there had been only two guards at Nii's castle.

Beads of sweat dotting his brow, Sanzo forced his way out the door, turning back only to say, "Consider my debt repaid," before stepping into utter chaos.

Screaming villagers rushed past the doorway, unaware of when they where they were going just as long as they were getting away. Sanzo shuffled in the opposite direction of the flow, staying close tot eh walls to avoid being trampled. As the stream of refuges dwindled, Sanzo was able to see the mass of glinting teeth and claws advancing in his direction. Lifting the arm that had been pressed against his throbbing abdomen, he stepped into the demons' pathway and put his hands together in prayer. One youkai, upon seeing him, broke into an outraged cry: "Hey! That's the guy who stole my boat!"

He rushed forward, the entire demon phalanx trailing behind him. Sanzo's lips quirked in a sneer. Oh, he had missed doing this. He closed his eyes and began chanting.

"Oh man ee hatsu mei…"

The demons prepared to strike.

"Un."

Sanzo's eyes flew open in a purple blaze as he drew back one foot and extended his arm, the Maten Sutra erupting off his shoulders.

"MAKAI TENJO!"

White light exploded from the sutra and engulfed the youkai army, their screams echoing dimly through the streets as one by one, they disintegrated and were absorbed by the magical properties of the scripture.

As the last of the demons faded into nothingness, Sanzo withdrew his hand, the sutra neatly materializing in scroll form in his grip. He took one staggering step and fell forward, pain lancing through his stomach. His coughs drew blood from his mouth, droplets that fell and splattered onto the dirt in almost artistic patterns. Struggling to regain his footing, there was no way Sanzo would have noticed the flash of a grin, the glint of glasses, and the long-distance dragon taking off again towards the west.

* * *

**A/N:** I probably made references to events during the storyline, but I didn't mark them and I wasn't going to go through to look for and mark them, so if you need something cleared up, leave a comment, e-mail me, whatever, and I'll explain.


	7. Love

**Title:** The Abstract Noun (Chapter 7)  
**Rating:** T for language, violence, and alcohol/tobacco use  
**Pairing:** GojyoxSanzo

**A/N:** The final chapter! Finally! Well, considering the length, it's more of an epilogue than a chapter, but here's where this journey ends. This was originally longer, but I lost the notebook I wrote it in and didn't want to rewrite everything, considering I'm pretty much completely out of the Saiyuki fandom now. But here's some closure. Thank you to everyone who followed this story along all this time. Thank you for your patience and your support, without which this never would've been finished.

* * *

"Did you hear?"  
"About what?" "That demon massacre down in Shandia."  
"Oh yeah. Didn't they say that one bloke took them all down?"  
"Yeah, some priest with blonde hai-" 

The conversation was cut short as Gojyo slammed his hands down on the table. The two seated men tumbled backwards from their hunched positions, their chairs clattering. They looked, frightened, at Gojyo who turned a desperate eye in their direction.

"A blonde priest."  
"Y-y-yes."  
"Where?"  
"S-Shandia."  
"How do I get there?"  
"About h-half a day's r-r-ride downriver."

Gojyo abruptly turned and sped out the door, leaving the two patrons shaken in his wake

* * *

A square patch of sunlight danced across Sanzo's closed eyelids. He cursed groggily, palming his face for some relief. Unable to return to sleep, he opened his eyes. A familiar ceiling greeted him. The old man and his daughter must've carried him in yesterday. Sanzo reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between his lips and chewing absentmindedly. 

"I have to stop passing out."

He rose off the bed stiffly. The world spun for a moment, but Sanzo chased the black edges from his vision with a quick shake of the head. He placed a careful hand on his wound. The bandages were fresh, and the flesh, sore. He probably opened it again during the fight. He glanced at the table to make sure of the presence of his belongings and noticed, just beyond, that the door was slightly ajar. Sanzo walked towards it, and pushing it open revealed no-one else in the house. He assumed that they were off at some neighbor's funeral. There had been some losses from the demon raid.

Sanzo headed into the small kitchen, picking up a match from the box by the stove. He lit his cigarette first, then, spotting a teapot on the drying rack, lit the stove as well. He put some water on to boil before stepping outside, the tip of his Marlboro glowing a dim red.

The weather was mild – blue skies with the slightest breeze picking up clouds of dust from the road. Sanzo leaned against the wall of the house in the shade of the small canopy.

It had been roughly a month since he had left the group to retrieve the Maten sutra, and he figured that it was about time to start heading back. Their journey west had been put on hold long enough. But-

Sanzo exhaled. The cloud of smoke drifted up to blend in with the clouds in the sky.

Gojyo. He couldn't just go back now. Not when things were so fucked up. Sanzo hated not having utter control of a situation, so to enter into a situation with his dichotomy – love and reluctance to love – was like entering a battle unsure of which side he was on. He inhaled angrily, getting too big a lungful of smoke for his efforts. Violent coughs racked Sanzo's body, and he clenched his stomach with one hand, willing the flesh to stay closed.

Still coughing, he barely heard the crunch of dirt from around the corner.

Sanzo froze, his hand automatically reaching for the familiar handle of his Smith & Wesson. He thumbed the worn grip, pulling it silently from his robes. The dirt crunched again, and a shadow began to creep from the corner of the house. Sanzo flattened himself against the wall with bated breath, suspicion clearly written across his face. One more step…

A man rounded the corner as Sanzo lifted his gun to face level. And promptly dropped it.

Gojyo's eyes widened, first at the barrel of the handgun, then at the sight of the owner. The weapon clattered solidly to the ground. The two stared, silent, hardly daring to breathe, both torn between greeting the other and running the hell away. It was too soon, and neither had known what to do.

Gojyo made the first move. His hand twitched.

"Sanzo."  
"Che. Who said you should come looking for me?"

Gojyo paused again, taken aback by Sanzo's venomous reply before launching into an equally malicious retort.

"You disappeared for a fucking month, asshat!"  
"It was my own conviction!"  
"You could've at least told us!"  
"That's not my responsibility! I don't need anyone looking after me!"  
"Well obviously you do, Mr. High-and-mighty! You keep getting' your ass handed to you!"  
"The fuck are you talking about?!"  
"You can't do that to us! Do you have any idea what we went through?! Hakkai and Goku and…"

They stopped, tensing, quiet settling on them like a cloak. The teapot whistled. Sanzo turned to oblige.

"The water's done."

He began to walk back to the door. Gojyo took a hesitant breath, and in a barely audible voice, so small that it was probably only meant for himself, whispered,

"I missed you."

Sanzo stopped, his back still turned. Slowly, he glanced over his shoulder at Gojyo. Those red eyes were all he needed to see, all he needed to hear. As loud as speakers, they glimmered every word the both of them needed. I miss you. I need you. I love you. And Sanzo was sure that those very words were swimming in his own eyes as well. He turned back to Gojyo.

"I-"

The teapot whistled incessantly, and without looking up, Sanzo once again began to hurry back to the doorway. He stopped as Gojyo grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face him.

The first kiss was clumsy, desperate. Their lips met, fumbled, worked out their confusion right on the spot. And there was really nothing to be confused about. That kiss was the surest thing they'd had in the past month, and it was all they could do to break apart and stare, burning with certainty, at each other.

Gojyo quirked a foolish grin. Sanzo nodded. It was time.

The old man and his daughter returned home to find Sanzo gone and the kettle gone cold on the stove.

* * *

Rain thudded against the windowpanes. Normally a dampener for the Sanzo-ikkou, it was no surprise to see Hakkai down in the bar, nursing a drink. What was surprising, however, was a mysterious little smile curving on his lips as he glanced at the empty barstools around him. He then turned his gaze to the staircase and up to the second floor landing. The door to their room for the night was slightly ajar, and if he strained his ears, Hakkai could just imagine the low murmurs of conversation between the blonde and the redhead floating from within. He raised his glass of brandy. 

"Memories, looks like there's an abstract noun greater than you."

It rained all evening. No-one really cared.

* * *

end. 


End file.
